Our Story:

My journey as a caregiver began around twelve years ago when I realized my then 76 year old father was very ill.  He was a man who had usually been pretty healthy.  He had the occasional cold or headache , but not much else.  He worked four days a week as a self-employed limo driver and sometimes on those days he worked  14 or 15 hours straight.  We thought of him as a strong guy and very hearty for a man in his mid 70s.  He loved the work and his fellow limo drivers.  He looked forward to the time when they gathered in meeting spots around New York City to chat about the "fares" they'd picked up that day.  I don't know what else they talked about, but I do know he loved his buddies.  He especially loved the times when they met in Chinatown on Thursdays, at midnight, to have dinner. 

My father then started having various health problems.  First it was a few mini-strokes and a then a variety of  other health problems.  He had to  have surgery to remove two parathyroid glands.  I began to cancel meetings and trips with friends.  I  began to think I lived in the many NYC emergency rooms I, along with my mom, took my father to.  They were all night affairs and sometimes there were hospitalizations for a week or so for tests.  I can't remember how many times I went to the ER with him and how many times I visited him in hospital,  but  there were many.  My life, as I knew it, was officially over.  I think I can count on two hands how many times I've met with friends to socialize in the past twelve years. 

My mother still had her cognitive abilities and for all intents and purposes, she was functioning, although she had a number of her own health concerns, but I could see that she was overwhelmed by dealing with my dad's health problems.  More and more I took over the task of caring for my parents.  It was a challenging time for us all.  I didn't realize how challenging it would become as my father descended into what we found out to be Alzheimer's.  My mother was diagnosed as having stenosis of the spine and for a time she was unable to walk unattended.  I became their caregiver on almost a  full-time basis in 2004.  I tried to continue working, but three years ago I finally gave in and stopped working outside of our home.

In the middle of all of this, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Fortunately, it was DCIS, a non-invasive form of the disease.  During the time I was moving my parents back in with me, I  had to deal with my own  cancer diagnosis and treatment.  I had the surgery and I was cured.  Thank goodness I'm still cancer free.  I'm very grateful for that, but I worry about becoming ill every day due to the enormous stress I've been under for the past four years.

My father died in December 2006.  My mother has continued to deteriorate and it appears as if she's slowly losing her cognitive functioning.  She's had many other illnesses in the past few years.  In the past year alone I took her for more than 30 doctor visits for tests and more tests, along with check-ups and consultations.  I was exhausted and depressed beyond anything I could have imagined and more than ever before I realized I had no life of my own left.  I didn't think it could get any worse, but I was wrong.

I wish this story had a happy ending, but unfortunately, it doesn't.  Mom and I have recently run out of money and have been unable to pay the rent for six months and are behind in all of our bills.  After having health insurance my whole adult life, I've had to drop my policy four months ago because I can't afford it anymore. I'm terrified of getting sick and not having insurance.  Our landlord has started action to evict us from the apartment  my mother has been living in for almost 39 years.  We just don't have the money to pay him the rent.  And one last thing we don't have enough money to pay for is the monument for my father's grave.  We put a down payment on it, but haven't been able to pay the balance yet.  We both feel awful about this.

We have no one to turn to.   We basically have no family and although one friend has offered help, she's not in a position to help us enough to make this situation right again.  My mother is 83 years of age.  She can't live on the street and I fear that's what could happen to us.  It would kill her and me as well.

What can you do to help us and how?

My mother and I desperately need financial help.  If you can help us with some money to pay the rent and the many expenses not  covered by her low social security check, we would truly appreciate it.  I'm trying to figure out ways to earn money while staying at home.  My mom's balance is not good and she's fallen a couple of times.  I can't leave her for long periods of time so I have to work at home. 

There are a few ways you can send us money to help us through this crisis situation we find ourselves in and until I find enough work to support us again.  You can send it to me through www.PayPal.com to: TeaWomenNY@aol.com  (PayPal accepts most major credit cards.)  You can also send us a check drawn on a New York City bank,  made payable to me, Ellen Schultz  and mail it to: 244 Fifth Avenue, #2829, New York, NY 10001-7604. (If you send a US postal money order, please don't put in an address for me in the space provided on the face of the money order.) 

Please help us however you can. My 83 year old mother and I will appreciate every penny you can send to help us through this terrible crisis we find ourselves in.  We're trying to avoid having to leave our apartment and wind up living on the streets.  The prospect is terrifying for us both.